Blogs

Wednesday, June 12:

Building Lasting Relationships: Get Truth In You!

As we close this three-day series on preparing for marriage - even before meeting Mr. Right, I want to thank Dr. Clarence Shuler for sowing into the success of future marriages by being our guest blogger. I met Dr. Shuler more than a decade ago when we both spoke at a conference in Louisiana and somehow, we hit it off. Since then, we have kept in touch, mostly thanks to the internet. So, Dr. Shuler, I am eternally grateful for the precious time time and wisdom you've shared with us! You're doing important work in Taking the BLUR out of Relationships.

Singlesoutloud: How can Christian singles develop healthy relationship skills?

Dr. Shuler:
Sociologists research reveals that 90 percent of children tend to do what their parents did. So if parents were abusive or co-dependent, then in most cases, so would the child. The GOOD NEWS is the Power of Jesus Christ's Death, Burial, and Resurrection! So we don't have to repeat the unproductive ways of our parents or our childhood the chain of pain can be broken!

If your family was unhealthy, then discover what a healthy family is. Ask your pastor to name healthy families in your church. Watch families in your church with children 10 years old or younger. Observe how they relate to their parents, especially the father and vice versa. Children this age don't fake the funk.

Mentally record positive characteristics of these relationships: effective communication, patience, giving affection, etc. Consider asking these families: "What makes your family so loving?"

Visit www.familylife.com for resources for healthy families.

Our Building Lasting Relationships' Seminars are increasingly attended by singles (never married or divorced). Some singles who aren't even dating attend just to get an idea of what is involved in a Christian relationship/family. I'd like to think that my latest marriage book, Keeping Your Wife Your Best Friend, can be helpful preparation for singles. Learn how to resolve conflict. Resolving conflict isn't about winning the argument, but gaining mutual understanding. So be careful what you say, how you say it, and when is the best time to say it so your spouse can receive it and discuss the issue with you. If you are sharing living quarters, practice on your roommate or with your birth family if possible. Who knows, God may use this principle to heal old family wounds. Thanks for allowing me to blog these 3 days. I love speaking, writing, consulting and life coaching. (Visit my website: www.clarenceshuler.org).